Medium Large Phill

LMAO THESE ARE FREAKING HILARIOUS

2005-09-27T17:33:00.000-07:00

Some Wicked Awesome Laws (aphabetically by state)

Alabama
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.

California
Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.
Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
Bathhouses are against the law.
It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
Women may not drive in a house coat.

Florida
Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
It is illegal to skateboard without a license.
When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.

Kansas
Prohibits shooting rabbits from a motorboat.

Louisiana
It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol

Indiana
It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks.
Liquor stores may not sell milk.

Michigan
You may not swear in front of women and children in the state of Michigan.

Nebraska
It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.

New York
A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.
It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun.
A license must be purchased before hanging clothes on a clothesline.
The penalty for jumping off a building is death.

North Dakota
Beer and pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.
It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.

Ohio
It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday.
It is illegal to get a fish drunk.

Pennsylvania
A person is not eligible to become Governor if he/she has participated in a duel.

Texas
It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don't need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.
It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
It is illegal to milk another person's cow.
A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.

Wisconsin
You must manually flush all urinals in a building.
Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons.

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I AM TIRED AND I GO TO GOOGLE

2005-09-16T18:55:00.000-07:00

Odds of being killed by a dog : 1 in 700,000

Odds of dying while in the bath tub : 1 in 1,000,000

Odds of being killed by space debris : 1 in 5 billion

Odds of being killed by poisoning : 1 in 86,000

Odds of being killed by freezing : 1 in 3 million

Odds of being killed by lightening : 1 in 2 million

Odds of being killed in a car crash : 1 in 5,000Odds of being killed in a tornado : 1 in 2 million

Odds of being killed by falling out of bed : 1 in 2 million

Odds of being killed in a plane crash : 1 in 25 million

Odds of being struck by a meterite : 1 in 10 trillion

Odds of being in a plane crash : 1 to 700,000Did You Know...If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee ....
(hardly seems worth it)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(woah..)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home....... maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes... lucky pig.... can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.(
Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm........)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing....)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??):

Kissing someone for 1 minute burns 26 calories.

Posters-block

2005-09-13T21:26:00.000-07:00

Sitting here and staring at the gentle glow of my screen I realize that how easily distracted l am is the only thing that i can focus on. Blogging is all that I want to do, yet that requires thought.

NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! says my brain, THINKING HURTS!!!!!!!! BRAIN TIRED JUST STARE A LITTLE MORE!!!!!

So I stare, and stare, and stare. And begin;

HIOOO!! Readers I'm back with a vengence. Posting will still be a little sporatic but hey when it got regular was it good? Don't worry there will still be Top Ten lists here and there and the old stuff that used to be on here. However I have a goal to make my posts tell a little about myself, perhaps even a weekly story.

Well considering that it took me thirty minutes to write this much I don't think that i can write much more of substance. Have a great one.

WOW Its Been A While

2005-09-01T19:42:00.000-07:00

Holy crap has it been a long time, and well i just want to say that I am sorry. I promise to start posting reguarly again soon. But I need your help, what should I keep, and what should I change? Anything is game, yes even the red backround with white lettering, I want this page to be appeasing to both the eye and the mind. So come on people browse the archives find what you liked and tell me what you want to see more of.

Shnazfling.

2005-07-17T18:10:00.000-07:00

Dilznoofus da zupping flubDAZZLE. Hizzle plop bangblee, "crongle duh hum quibble," bam You cake slap ha dong-bing...tizzle da bam! Blip woogle doo blee dee kanoodle? Zingle zap bling blap? Hum blangity noodlewoogle!

Dee DAZZLE da jangle twiddling slapzang, bam ting shnuzzle ha zappity flibblenizzle quibble. NIP SLAP? Hum flobble ho zingle blongity wiggleflab, zap fraggle WOOGLE doo dingely cringleblop tizzle. "Zap tizzle ha?" abracadabra flooblebla. Zip blabbity bloobing blongity zip ding da blobbity floobizzle.

Blong flop bleep hum zunk zung wobble ha bizzle. Zap bloobity wuggle dang abracadabra ha dingle. Flibble da rizzle bam gobble shnuzzle da jingle? Doof flong noodleslap, "ongle zip da shnaz," hum McFairy tangle wacko zip noodle-dazzle...zong hum bam! Zip zap bloo zungle tingity izzle funk bingblop?

Shnizzle doo ongle-flub. Rizzle wuggle HUM doof zap flib? Duh blopping bloo quibble twaddle ha flip. Fraggle dee blippity flibblip. "Duh fraggle duh?" blong jingledoof.

Zung zip blabbing shnuzzletang. Meep kanoodle dee flung zip crongle? Hum ongle Wang Chung...flanging blabbing wigglezingle. Tang duh shnizzle! Razzle!

Hum duh flong wubble ting a flongity izzle wubbledilznoofus? Dingle bleep twaddleflee, "dilznoofus duh zip slap," da Mr. Garrison flab zang doo tingle-tangle...zongle da zap! Da jingely fluppity flinging ha cake doo flappity flibdoof. Wow bam crongle ha crongle-bleep!! BLOP FLUNG FLANGING DA SHRUBBERYDINGLE???

Find Out What I'm talking About Here

a Ugoogaly or is it Eulogy

2005-07-11T23:26:00.000-07:00

Somberly a young man dressed smartly in a black pinstriped suit, a matching black pinstriped fedora, and black sunglasses, stands up. He fears what the future will hold for him and this lonley bunch of pirates, mothers, mafia hitmen, and other bloggers. Can they survive?

Medium Large Phill clears his throat, sighs and begins to speak:

We are gathered here today to honor the memory of a great, dare i say wonderful blog. A blog that gave us wonderful things like: The adventures of Bono and Adam, A non-comfimed claim to the most-read blog on the internet, and a new reason to eat salads. A blog that introduced us to the Darth Tater, and of course who can forget something like the elephant plungers.

Yet despite our best efforts to get to 500 comments and two loopholes the Platypus Society has died. Soon it shall suffer the fate of all dead blogs, recycling into the ring of ads for male enhancement and pictures of a stupid cat.

We must remain together and pray that out of the ashes ads and cats our beloved Captain will rise like the phoenix.

Thank you all.

BY THE POWER OF ROCKRIDGE!!!!!!

2005-07-01T20:55:00.000-07:00

Here my friends are the some of my favorite quotes from the great movie "Blazing Saddles"

Jim: The Waco Kid: What did you expect? "Welcome sonny," "Make yourself at home," "Marry my daughter." You've got to remember, that these are just simple farmers, these are people of the land, the common clay of the new west. You know . . . morons.

Bart: Who is this Mongo, anyway?
Jim: The Waco Kid: Well, Mongo ain't exactly a "who," he's more of a "what."

Hedley Lamarr: Repeat after me: I...
Men: I...
Hedley Lamarr: ...your name...
Men: ...your name...
Hedley Lamarr: [to himself] Shmucks. [aloud] do pledge allegiance...
Men: ...do pledge allegiance...
Hedley Lamarr: ...to Hedley Lamarr...
Men: ...to Hedy Lamarr...
Hedley Lamarr: That's *Hedley*.
Men: That's Hedley.

Bart: I better go check out this Mongo character. [Bart reaches for his gun]
Jim: Oh no, don't do that.
Bart: Why not?
Jim: If you shoot him, you'll just make him mad.

Bart: You be my guest, and I be your host. What be your pleasure, Jim?
Jim: I don't know... play chess... screw...
Bart: [quickly] Let's play chess.

[Bart on grandstand to the townspeople]
Bart: Excuse me while I whip this out.
[Bart reaches into waistline as crowd gasps and screams. Bart pulls out paper]
Crowd: Ahhhhh.

[describing how everyone wanted to duel him when he was The Waco Kid]
Jim: Then one day I hear "Reach for it, mister." I spun around, and there I was standing face to face with a six year old kid. Well, I just laid down my guns and walked away. Little bastard shot me in the ass. So I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled inside a whiskey bottle, and I've been there ever since.

to two members of the KKK]
Jim: Oh boys, lookee what I got heyuh.
Bart: Hey, where the white women at.

Buddy Bizarre: Cut, cut, cut, this is a closed set.
Taggart: Piss on you, I'm working for Mel Brooks.
[Winds up to punch Buddy Bizarre]
Buddy Bizarre: Not the face. Not the face.
[Taggart complies, punching him in the stomach]
Buddy Bizarre: [collapsing] Thank you.

Hedley Lamarr: My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening thru a cosmic vapor of invention.
Taggart: Ditto.
Hedley Lamarr: "Ditto"? "Ditto," you provincial putz?

Taggart: I got it.
Hedley Lamarr: What?
Taggart: Let's kill every first born male child in Rock Ridge.
Hedley Lamarr: Nah, too Jewish.

Taggart: What do you want me to do sir?
Hedley Lamarr: I want you to round up ever vicious criminal and gun slinger in the west. Take this down.
[Taggart looks for a pen and paper while Hedley talks]
Hedley Lamarr: I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists.
Taggart: [finding pen and paper] Could you repeat that, sir?

[a gang, bent on destruction, reaches a tollbooth]
Taggart: Anybody got a dime? Somebody's gotta go back and get a shitload a' dimes.

Hedley Lamarr: Maybe I could turn this thing into my advantage... if I could find a sheriff who so offends the citizens of Rock Ridge that his very *appearance* would drive them out of town. [to camera]
Hedley Lamarr: But where would I find such a man?
[pause]
Hedley Lamarr: ... Why am I asking you?

Singer: "Blazing Saddles": He conquered fear, and he conquered hate, / He turned our night into day, / He made his blazing saddle / A torch to light the way...

Thank You All SO Much

2005-06-28T22:38:00.000-07:00

The average age of a military man is 19 years old.He is a short haired, tight muscled kid, who, under normal circumstances, is considered by society as half man, half boy. Not yet dry behind the ears, not old enough to buy a beer, but old enough to die for his country. He never really cared much for work and he would rather wax his own car than wash his father’s, but he has never collected unemployment either.He’s a recent High School graduate; He was probably an average student, pursued some form of sport activitie, drives a ten year old Jalopy and has a steady girlfriend that either broke up with him when he left, or swears to be waiting when he returns form half a world away.He listens to rock and roll or hip hop or rap or jazz or swing and 155m Howitzers.He is 10 or 15 pounds lighter now than when he was home because he is working or fighting from before dawn to well after dusk.He has trouble spelling, thus letter writing is a pain for him, but he can field strip a rifle in 30 seconds and reassemble it in less time in the dark.He can recite to you the nomenclature of a machine gun or grenade launcher and use either one effectively if he must.He digs foxholes and latrines and can apply first aid like a professionalHe can march until he is told to stop or stop until he is told to march. He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation, but he is not without spirit or individual dignity.He is self sufficient. He has two sets of fatigues: He washes one and wears the other.He keeps his canteens full and his feet dry. He sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never his rifle.He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothes, and fix his own hurts. If you’re thirsty, he’ll share his water with you; if you’re hungry, his food.He’ll even split ammunition with you in the midst of battle when you run low.He has learned to use his hands like weapons and weapons like they were his hands. He can save your life… or take it, because that’s his job.He will often do twice the work of a civilian, draw half the pay, and still find ironic humor in it all. He has seen more suffering and death then he should have in his short life time.He has stood atop mountains of dead bodies, and helped create them.He has wept in public and private for friends who have fallen in combat, and is not ashamed.He feels every note of the National Anthem vibrate through is body while at rigid attention, while tempering the burning desire to ‘square away’ those around him who haven’t bothered to stand, remove their hat, or even stop talking. In an odd twist, day in and day out, far away from home, he defends their right to be disrespectful.Just as his Father, Grandfather, and Great-Grandfather, he is paying the price for our freedom.Beardless or not, he is not a boyHe is the American Fighting Man that has kept this country free for over 200 years.He has asked nothing in return, except our friendship and understanding.Remember him, always, for he has earned our respect and admiration with his blood.

Top Ten Lists, Back With A Vengence

2005-06-22T14:09:00.000-07:00

Here we go the eradication of the plague

Top Ten most Polite Ways to Say Your Zipper Is Down.....by Medium Large Phill
(actually David Letterman shhh!!)

10. The cucumber has left the salad.

9. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.

8. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

7. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson..

6. Elvis is leaving the building.

5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.

4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction.

3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

2. Men may be From Mars.....but I can see something that rhymes with Venus.

And the ..1 way to tell someone his zipper is unzipped.....

1. I always knew you were crazy, but now I can see your nuts

The Body of Danny Kilgore (part 4)

2005-06-07T18:27:00.000-07:00

Find the original post here

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

"Why won't anybody help me?"

"Why are you walking by like that?"

"HELP ME!!"

"Don't you see that I'm hurt? help me please!!"

Danny Kilgore screamed out in agony as the rest of the world walked by oblivious.

"'Get up you fool'" a slithering voice says from behind him.

"What? What do you mean get up?!"

Shut up and listen, unless you want to die for real you had better come with me...

Slowly rising Danny realizes that all his pain is gone.

He feels better than he ever has before.

The Plague Caught Up With Me

2005-06-06T18:39:00.000-07:00

Recently I have been avoiding meme's like, well, the plague. However the evilness that is Abandoned Hero has tagged me. so without much further ado (sigh) here it is. My music meme.

Total Volume of Music on my Compy 386 (God Bless You Strongbad)
This Computer, None
My music/gaming computer, over half the hard drive

Last CD I Bought
Actual CD: Dichotomy A - Grits
Digital CD: Never bought a digital CD I have them though

Song Playing Right Now
The Boy's Gone - Jason Mraz

I'm done with this because I can't pick just five songs that mean a lot to me, and i choose to kill the plague here and now

(Two Sized Note: On second thought i choose to pass the baton onto Rag Doll

A Few Quotes From One Of My Favorite Movies

2005-06-04T15:42:00.000-07:00

The Blues Brothers is one of my favorite all time movies and i decided that you all should see a few reasons why i love it so much.

[the brothers race around the mall parking lot]
Elwood: We'll be all right if we can just get back on the expressway.
Jake: This don't look like no expressway to me, pal.
Elwood: Don't yell at me.
Jake: Well whadda you want me to do, Motorhead?
Elwood: Why da ya gotta be so negative all the time? Why can't ya offer some... constructive criticism?

Mrs. Murphy: Help you two?
Elwood: Do you have any white bread ma'am?
Mrs. Murphy: Yeah.
Elwood: I'll have some toasted white bread please.
Mrs. Murphy: You want butter or jam on that, honey?
Elwood: No ma'am, dry.
Jake: Do you have any fried chicken ma'am?
Mrs. Murphy: Best damned chicken in the state.
Jake: Bring me four fried chickens and a Coke.
Mrs. Murphy: You want chicken wings or chicken legs?
Jake: Four fried chickens and a Coke.
Elwood: And some dry white toast please.
Mrs. Murphy: Ya'all want anything to drink with that?
Elwood: No ma'am.
Jake: A Coke.
Mrs. Murphy: Be right back.

Donald 'Duck' Dunn: We had a band powerful enough to turn goat piss into gasoline.

[to man in restaurant]
Jake: [fakes accent] How much for the little girl? How much for the women?
Man: What?
Jake: Your women. I want to buy your women. The little girl, your daughters... sell them to me. Sell me your children.

You are all welcome

Now I'm Off To Cry Myself To Sleep On My HUGE Pillow

2005-06-02T19:37:00.000-07:00

So I had my final in pre-calculus today, and well I really do believe that I passed like a gremlin passes a porsche. I also have come to the realization that most of my class did about as well as i did. There was weeping, there was nashing of teeth, and oddly there was no lake of eternal fire to be seen. The weeping began when we got the tests. My freind and I weeped as soon as we had a test on our desks, then we saw the first page. Immediately we saw that we had been tricked (or so we thought) the first page was easy! Then I turned to the second page which is when i tired to chew off my tongue for telling myself that the rest of the test would follow suit with the first page. Well after sitting there and wondering whether or not a salmon could beat up a trout I was able to do all the problems that I knew how to. Which is when I took my yearbook out of my nackpack and proceeded to beat myself about the head, neck, and shoulders with it untill my teacher told me that I needed to be quiet so that I wouldn't distract the other people in the classroom. And that is the tory of the fall of the card house of hope.

(Two Sized note: Guess what movie I took the title for this post from and recieve a prize of whatever is in your fridge!)

The New Internet Crack

2005-06-01T15:32:00.000-07:00

I was so rich. Now I am so poor.
Over 100 credits gambled away.

Why did Blog Explosion create such an addicting way to lose your credits?

Now that I have cried my eyes out I should probably tell you all what I am talking about. At the website that I use to increase the traffic to my blog they have created a new horrfyingly beautiful thing called battle of the blogs. What basically happens is you bet a certain number of credits that your blog is better than somebody elses blogs, hoping that at least five of the nine other people will think the same. The only catch is that you have no idea who you will accept your challenge. Since I have no lcuk at random gambling you can imagine my excitement when I won over 100 credits in one night, so I decided to test my luck, I gambled 100 credits and was defeated 9-0. It sucked I went away and cried myself to sleep. Awaking the next day with my head on a giant tear soaked pillow. I went straght to the computer after drying out my pillow case and attempted to win back my credits. Well that didn't go over to well as now I have but a measily 12 credits.

Oh well since it costs at leat ten credits to battle and its time for another hit of my disgustingly sweet addiction I am off to lose again.

(Two Sized Note: Now that I posted this I just won 4 or5 in a row.)
(Two Sized Note part deux: I have now lost four in a row since posting the first note)

Back By Popular Demand: Horrible Horrible Pick Up LInes

2005-05-30T21:07:00.000-07:00

Ok so not really but who cares its my blog and I can post what I want to.

1. I must be in heaven because I'm standing next to you!

2. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

3. You must be from out of space cause I can see the stars in your eyes.

4. If you were a booger I'd pick you first.

5. Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.

6. Baby did you fart, 'cause you blow me away!

7. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

8. Turn to the girl sitting next to you at the bar and say..."I'm not really this tall....I'm sitting on my wallet."

9. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

10. When I saw you from across the room, I passed out cold and hit my head onthe floor...so I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.

11. You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.

12. Do you have a map? Because I just keep getting lost in your eyes!

13. Is there an airport nearby or is that my heart taking off?

14. Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?

Because This Movie Is So Freakin Hilarious

2005-05-30T20:50:00.000-07:00

There are three rules when dealing with a deadly crocodile. Rule number one, I'm number one. Rule number two, the croc's number two.

I have to post this I watched this movie and it reminded me of all the good times that I have had with my redneck buddy Dan. This one is for you man.

So go guess untill all your hearts are content when somebody guesses the mvie right i will post a screenshot form the movie

The Beginning of A Song or Poem

2005-05-23T20:01:00.000-07:00

I haven't decided what is gonna be yet

Come and rescue me
Save me from myself
From all the stupid things I do
From all the stupid thigs I say
Here I am broken
I am flat on my face
In need of grace
Only You can give
Take in this lamb
Lost and alone
Here I am frightened
Crying out to You

Ways to Misuse Office Supplies

2005-05-19T08:51:00.000-07:00

So lately I have had a ton of writers block and have not been able to think about what to post. Luckily I have friends who give me random crap to put on my blog!!!!!! So without Further ado I give all you wonderful people out there Ways to misuse office supplies.

Cover your boss's desk in post-its askng for a raise

Take a stapler and kill Timmy the mail boy

Use a hole punch to peirce your ears

Use a day-planner as a little black book (my math teacher gave that one makes me wonder)

Bubble wrap the computer of your boss's evil secretary

Steal the office supply cabinet and use it as a sled

That's all for now enjoy.

A Song

2005-05-19T08:34:00.000-07:00

This is a song that I came up with about two months ago

Its time to stand with the righteous
Its time to run through your gates with praise
Its time to shout it out to Zion
Cause I'm coming back to you

I wanna stand with the righteous
I wanna scream out your praise
I wanna be your humble servant Lord
Break my heart for you

Its time to stand with the righteous
Its time to run through your gates with praise
Its time to shout it out to Zion
Cause I'm coming back to you

Pick me up when I fall Lord
Take me to see your crown
Let me run through the gates of heaven
Lord I'm coming back to You

Its time to stand with the righteous
Its time to run through your gates with praise
Its time to shout it out to Zion
Cause I'm coming back to you

Its time to shout it out to Zion
Time to sing for the great I AM
Its time to let the nations know Lord
That:

Its time to stand with the righteous
Its time to run through your gates with praise
Its time to shout it out to Zion
Cause I'm coming back to you

Guess the Place

2005-05-12T19:52:00.000-07:00

Do any of you guys know whhere and what this is?

Ralph Wiggum Quotes

2005-05-11T08:20:00.000-07:00

Quite Possibly my favorite charachter on "The Simpsons" is Ralph Wiggum just because he has the most random sayings so without further ado here is a list of quotes.

Me fail English? That's unpossible.

Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.

Eww, Daddy, this tastes like Gramma!

I bent my wookie.

The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there

Ralph: "Daddy, I'm scared. Too scared to even wet my pants."
Chief Wiggum: "Just relax and it'll come, son."

I heard your dad went into a restaurant and ate everything in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant

And, when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life

I found a moonrock in my nose!

That's where I saw the leprechaun he teels me to burn things

If you have any other quotes feel free to put them in the comment section

Top Ten Ways To Get Yourself Banned From The Blood Bank

2005-05-08T20:43:00.000-07:00

Please if you guys try any of these don't say where you got the idea from

10. Watch the bag fill and go wow .
9. Hyperventilate.
8. Pull the tube out of the bag and drink from it.
7. Race to see who fills their bag first (requires two or more people).
6. Puncture the bag near the top and see whether they pull the needle out of your arm before the blood squirts out.
5. While they're not looking, substitute a bag of orange liquid and complain they gave you too much Tang.
4. Insist that you want to give 2 pints.
3. Faint.
2. Tell them you saw the bag twitch.
1. Yell, "Hey, you used that needle on the last guy!"

Check This Out

2005-05-04T15:40:00.000-07:00

hey everyone AbandonedHero and I have to make a cliff notes (kinda) of the book Huckleberry Finn for english and surprise surprise we are doing it in blog form so if you would like to contribute any ideas towards this it would be much appreciated. However we are just getting it started but there will be more to come so if you go there and there's no posts on it check back later

http://agorasnotes.blogspot.com

Old Glory

2005-04-26T08:19:00.000-07:00

The Flag at the Korean War Memorial

The Washington Monument

2005-04-26T07:54:00.000-07:00

This was taken about five minutes before the liquid sunshine started to cool off D.C.

my computer is trying to give me an ipod

2005-04-14T09:01:00.000-07:00

Today Shall Be Known As....

2005-04-13T11:49:00.000-07:00

The International Binary and Foreign Language day, because biognome says so

Top Ten Bad PIck Up Lines

2005-04-13T08:27:00.000-07:00

1. Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You got fine written all over you.

2. You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.

3. Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"]
... I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams.

4. Pick up a pack of sugar that actually says, "sugar" on it and say, "You dropped your nametag!".

5. What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?

6. Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I'm here after.

7. I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away.

8. Do you have a Bandaid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.

9. There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.

10. Girl, you better have a license, cuz you are driving me crazy!

Qoutes

2005-04-07T11:54:00.000-07:00

Ok I got the idea to start a game on my blog where you post a quote and but don't tell what show its from and if you get it right then you post the next quote, and so on. The First Quote is.....

This snowflake tastes like fish sticks.

Gues the show and the charchter.

Terry Schaivo

2005-03-23T09:33:00.000-08:00

I have been listening to all the things that everybody has been saying and I am just going to weigh in on the argument.
The term "brain dead" means that there is absolutely no electrical activity in any part of the brain.
Terry Schaivo according to many doctors is not brain dead.

Richard Demme, who leads the ethics committee at the University of Rochester Medical Center in New York. His group is responsible for determining what kinds of life-prolonging medical care - if any - patients want, told WebMD what the term "a cosistent vegetative state" means in the Schaivo case:
"It means the lower part of the brain that tells her lungs to breathe is still intact. But it doesn't mean she has any thoughts or the ability to experience anything," Demme tells WebMD. "Her brain is pretty much full of fluid. Barring some miracle, she will never get any better than she is now. There is nothing in medicine we know of that will make her able to think or experience again. To suggest there are medical therapies that can help her - that all she needs is tender loving care and she will be romping in the back yard again - is cruel."

While this may be true, it gives no reason to pull the feeding tube out of Mrs Schaivo. Especially not if her parents have agreed to pay the medical costs of the tube.

What it all comes down to is that by taking the tube out of Terry Schaivo it would violate one of her inalienable rights. Which are, Life, Liberty, and The Pursuit of Happiness. A person who is brain dead, by medical terms is not alive and therefore has no inalienable rights. Once again Terry Schaivo is not brain dead, she is in "a persistent vegetative state" which by the way is highly debatable, a person who is in "a persistent vegetative state" is still alive and is still has inalienable rights.

Also there is the fact of Mr. Schaivo collecting a 5 million dollar life insurance policy that he has on his wife. Terry Schaivo's nurse for one year has also turned in an accladavid to the Florida Court System and has also gone on Fox News and has stated that Mr. Schaivo was repeatedly heard saying "has she died yet?" and also "Has the b**** died yet?" and again "Why hasn't she died yet?" Loving husband who has his wifes best interests in mind? I think not.

Also while I agree that the government should take action I believe that all that government can do is force the Florida State government to place the feeding tube back in, and if her "husband" (I say that because he has re-married and also has had children with his new "wife") wishes for to end her "persistent vegetative state" and since he sadly has the power of attorney that decision would have to stay and all that the government could legally do would to make her former husband end her life in a way that would be painful. Now before you all condemn me you realize that I do not agree with this but it is the truth as the saying goes the truth hurts.

Note: I have more to say about this issue but right now this is all that I can type because of how disgusted that I am because of what the pitiful excuse for a human who Terry Schaivo made the mistake of marrying has done to her.

Ok so its time to get serious

2005-03-06T19:47:00.000-08:00

Alright its time to get serious about lightning up.
Lately i have noticed that too many people are just
TAKING LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY
its like all the people that i know have a small tree up their butt
and i know that a lot of them were tired from the play and were stressing over it
but when the people around me are pissy then i too get pissy and i HATE being pissy
And another thing why is being in the play an excuse in the first place?
i've been in two and even during the hardest times i sucked it up and had a god outlook on it
and you know i can understand the people who had 300 lines were stressing out but if you came on three times and had 150 lines and were a jerk for three weeks solid then i have a problem.
i mena not even the lead who had 750 lines wasn't a jerk he was tired but not a jerk
and if it seems like i am in-directly calling certain people out
i am and if you have a problem with it then come talk to me
don't go ranting and raving to everybody that you know behind my back
which is another problem for another time
thats my rant and boy did that feel good

Quote of the day

2005-03-06T19:39:00.000-08:00

Today's quote comes from: The Simpsons

"You were going to burn the third nice thing that you have ever done for me?
No, the fire represents your............ musical ability.
Oh, Bart, I've missed your lies."

Slowly But Surely I am Losing My Mind

2005-03-03T09:10:00.000-08:00

What is it about today where everything is going wrong and I can't stop screwing up.
Quite possibly the only good thing about today is the fact that soccer is starting today, but I can't enjoy that because I have afternoon detention untill 4:30 and practice is only till 5:00. Today sucks.
It sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks, it sucks.
It really really sucks and its only second period

WHY!??!?!!?!??!!!!

2005-03-02T20:00:00.000-08:00

I really don't get the hubbub that is going on about displaying the ten commandments in public. Personallly I think that they should be displayed not only because I am a christian and they are given by God, but mainly because the founding fathers of this Great nation thought that they were a good set of laws and they believed that so much that they set up many of our laws just as they are set up in the ten commandments. In my mind if the fathers of our nation thought that they were important enough to use and to place in public, I think that we should keep it that way.

A little about me

2005-03-02T19:52:00.000-08:00

I am 17
I am a christian and a republican
Some people (like Katie) view me as a redneck and a hick but really the only difference is the hair and what their belt buckles look like
Which brings me to my next subject belt buckles are really cool
I go to a small christian private school
I like almost any type of music
I am currnetly attempting to learn HTML code but am failing miserably

Top Ten Reasons..... numero..... two

2005-02-28T17:31:00.000-08:00

I dislike head injuries
1. It bleeds like a mother
2. Headaches
3. Its hard to think because your head hurts
4. They tend to reopen like mine just did
5. They tend to concussionate if you get a bad one
6. Any and all ability to think grammatically and logically goes out the window
7. Ability to focus way away
8. I can't remember where I put anything
9. I type way slow
10. I could also be mistaken for being high because of the aimless wandering around the snack aisle in the grocery store as I make fun of the word twinkie.

Top 10 Reasons ....

2005-02-22T07:26:00.000-08:00

I dislike Techno.
1. Any idiot with a synthesizer and a voice can make a "good" techno song
2. Any quadrapalegic with fingers can make "good" techno
3. Its the same beat no matter what song (played anyway even in the vacuum of space)
4. Europeans don't even like it, not even the French
5. There is no guitar (even if it sounds like there is its synthesized)
6. Its so crappy that I am even dumber than hearing it
7. Not even worth writing the last three reasons

I LOVE THE WINTER

2005-02-19T18:54:00.000-08:00

All that I have to say is that Utah winters ROCK!!!!!
I went skiing with my cousins on sunday (think that God will forgive me for fellowshiping with other christians and skiing at the same time?) and well to say the least it was awesome!!!
There was 24" of new sweet Utah powder and it was still snowing.
It was an awesome day untill I got out to the car to discover that the remote key ntry wouldn't work. That could only mean one of two things; either it got wet in my pocket or....
the car battery is dead.
Guess what, it was the battery. I spent twenty minutes going around trying to find somebody who had jumper cables that were beefy enough to jump Big Tim (2000 Chevy Surbuban).
Well luckily a guy who i had been talking to in the terrain park came up and offerd me his cables and his truck to start mine with. Praise God that they worked. I would not have wanted to ask sit there in the cold waiting for my dad to bring me up a pair of cables or endure the look of "really what were you thinking?"
Well I didn't let it spoil my day and it certainly won't spoil my time with my cousins.
Happy Blogging!!!!!

What Are You Reading

2005-02-12T23:22:00.000-08:00

Right now i am currently reading "The Davinci Code" and am thouroughly enjoying even though it does take some serious shots towards christianity I believe that if my faith is not strong enough to be tested then do i really have faith at all? But that isn't the subject of this post i just want to see what you guys are reading and what you think about it

The Loudest Are Always The Most Right

2005-02-08T08:07:00.000-08:00

So I have trouble controlling my voice a.k.a. i am a loud person and many a time I have been asked why I am so loud. Well I now am going to reveal to the entire world why I am so loud. My cousin enlightend me to the fact that when in an argument the loudest person usually comes out winning. Also when you are loud it seems like your smarter to so just be loud and be smart.

Attention all you Techno Kiddies

2005-01-27T09:12:00.000-08:00

There is hope if you are addicted to synthesized music. Listen to Skillet they use a synthesized keyboard but its rock. So go out and buy the CD! Listen and you just might be saved. Also if Skillet doesn't tickle your fancy then listen to Uberzone.

DO IT OR GET OFF MY BLOG!!!!!!

About my title

2005-01-25T20:28:00.000-08:00

Just in case that you are wondering why the title of my blog is Medium Large. It came from when I went snowboarding with my friends. My Dad who happens to have the same name as me but standing at 6'4" he is shall we say a bit larger than my 6'1". so since I am not really small but not large I became medium large.

First Post Hooray!!!!!

2005-01-25T08:36:00.000-08:00

Alright so all year I have been sitting next to my friend who has been on blogger for a while(abandonedhero.blogspot.com) and so I decided to make a blog of my own. These are the fruits of my labor.